Within an hour of my arrival at Fort Union, my new post, my best friend Johnny came to the barracks with a broad grin and a friendly clout on the shoulder. He’d hurried over as soon as he heard I had come, and we talked ’til sunset and beyond.

As soon as Johnny mentioned Celia’s name, I knew he had it bad for her. To hear him talk, Celia was the most amazing woman who had ever graced God’s green earth. She was the sister-in-law of the captain, and all the young men on the base were infatuated with her. Celia was the prettiest of the eligible ladies that graced Fort Union society. She liked the spice of adventure to be found so near the wilds.

Johnny alternated between elation when Celia talked with him and despair when she flirted with another man. I watched their courtship from afar and was troubled. There was something about Celia that I didn’t like. I never mentioned it to Johnny, but I thought she was too much of a flirt. I wished Johnny had fallen for a nicer woman.

About a month after I arrived at Fort Union, a birthday dance was given for one of the officers. To Johnny’s elation, Celia agreed to be his partner at the dance. Johnny was dancing on cloud nine all night, until a messenger came gasping into the room to report an Apache raid. With a small scream of terror, Celia clung shamelessly to Johnny and begged him not to go even though he was the lieutenant put in charge of the mission. Well sir, Johnny proposed to her right then and there and Celia accepted. Furthermore, Celia told Johnny that she would wait for him, and that if he didn’t come back she would never marry. I doubted Celia’s sincerity, but Johnny just ate it up.

I was assigned to Johnny’s troop, so I had to leave too. We started out the next morning, and had a rough week tracking down and fighting the Apaches. Johnny split up the troop; taking command of the first group and giving me command of the second. My men reached the rendezvous point with no casualties, but only half of the other group arrived, and Johnny was not among them. They’d been ambushed by the Apaches. I had to take command of the troop. We searched for survivors, but never found Johnny’s body. As soon as I could, I ordered the men to turn for home.

Celia made a terrible, heart-rending scene when she found out Johnny was missing. She flung herself into my arms when I gave her the news and sobbed becomingly. The display turned my stomach, it was so obviously insincere. I excused myself hastily and left her to the ministrations of the other soldiers. From that time on, I was careful to stay away from Celia, who mourned less than a week for my friend before resuming her flirtatious ways.

About a month later, a rich handsome lieutenant arrived at Fort Union. He was from the East, and Celia took a real shine to him. Johnny was completely forgotten and so was her promise to him. It wasn’t long before Celia and the lieutenant were engaged and started planning a big wedding. Nothing but the very best would suit Celia, and her bridegroom had the money to indulge her.

Everyone in Fort Union was invited to the ceremony, and the weather was perfect on the day of the wedding. Everyone turned out in their best clothes and the wedding was a social success. After the ceremony, all the guests were invited to a celebratory ball.

We were waltzing around the ballroom when the door flew open with a loud bang. A gust of cold air blew in, dimming the candles. A heart-wrenching wail echoed through the room. The music stopped abruptly and everyone turned to look at the door. Standing there was the swollen, dead body of a soldier. It was dressed in an officer’s uniform. The eyes were burning with a terrible fire. The temple had a huge gash from a hatchet-blow. There was no scalp. It was Johnny.

The whole crowd stood silent, as if in a trance. No one moved, no one murmured. I wanted to cry out when I recognized Johnny, but I was struck dumb like the rest of the wedding guests.

Johnny walked across the room and took Celia out of her bridegroom’s arms. She was frozen in horror and could not resist. Johnny looked at the musicians. Still in a trance, they began to play a horrible, demonic sounding waltz. Johnny and Celia began to dance. They swept around and around the room, doing an intricate waltz. Johnny held the white-clad bride tight against his dead body while a deathly pallor crept over her face. Her steps slowed but still Johnny held her tight and moved them around in a grisly parody of a waltz. Celia’s eyes bulged. She turned as white as her gown and her mouth sagged open. She gave one small gasp, and died in his arms.

Johnny dropped Celia’s body on the floor and stood over her, wringing his blood-stained hands. He threw back his head and gave another unearthly wail that echoed around the room. Then he vanished through the door.

Released from the trance, the crowd gasped and exclaimed. The bridegroom ran to Celia and knelt beside her, wringing his hands in the same manner as Johnny. His cries were all too human.

Unable to bear the sight of the stricken bridegroom, I took my captain aside and asked permission to take a small detail back to the place where our troop had been attacked by the Apaches to search once more for my dead friend. He sent a dozen men with me. We combed the area, and finally found Johnny’s body hidden in a crevice. It looked exactly the same as it had appeared on the night of Celia’s wedding.

We brought Johnny back to the fort with us and the captain buried him beside Celia. Celia’s bridegroom went back East shortly after we buried Johnny, and I resigned my commission a few days later and went home, never wanting to see that cursed place again.

I heard later that Celia’s ghost was often seen at dusk, weeping over Johnny’s grave, but I never went back to Fort Union to see it for myself.

Reader Submitted,
Bobby Parkinson from Boardman, OH

I’ve heard this legend told about barracks at two different posts- one in Germany, and the other in Colorado.

The story goes that a young Lieutenant was assigned OOD duty one weekend. OOD means ‘Officer of the Day’, and means that he’s the one who has to deal with any problems that come up. This young 2nd Lieutenant decided he was going to inspect some of the soldier’s rooms. He walked into a room to find it a mess, which shouldn’t have been a surprise on Saturday at 8pm. He started to try and give the guys hell for the condition of the room, and the fact that they were sitting around drinking beer, which is authorized in the Barracks, as long as the guys don’t drink during duty hours.

Allegedly, the guys grabbed the lieutenant, shoved him into a freestanding closet and locked him in. Then they took the closet and shoved it down a couple of flights of stairs. The story varies on the details of how severely he was injured, but it makes a nice ‘vengeance’ tale for any trooper who’s been harassed by an officer.

Anonymous

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Gun-toting granny Ava Estelle, 81, was so ticked-off when two thugs raped her 18-year-old granddaughter that she tracked the unsuspecting ex-cons down – - and shot off their testicles.

The old lady spent a week hunting those men down — and when she found them, she took revenge on them in her own special way, said Melbourne police investigator Evan Delp. Then she took a taxi to the nearest police station, laid the gun on the sergeant’s desk and told him as calm as could be:

‘Those bastards will never rape anybody again, by God."

Cops say convicted rapist and robber Davis Furth, 33, lost both his penis and his testicles when outraged Ava opened fire with a 9-mm pistol in the hotel room where he and former prison cell mate Stanley Thomas, 29, were holed up. The wrinkled avenger also blew Thomas’ testicles to kingdom come, but doctors managed to save his mangled penis, police said.

"The one guy, Thomas, didn’t lose his manhood, but the doctor I talked to said he won’t be using it the way he used to", Detective Delp told reporters. "Both men are still in pretty bad shape, but I think they’re just happy to be alive after what they’ve been through."

The Rambo Granny swung into action August 21 after her granddaughter Debbie was carjacked and raped in broad daylight by two knife-wielding creeps in a section of town bordering on skid row.

"When I saw the look on my Debbie’s face that night in the hospital, I decided I was going to go out and get those bastards myself ’cause I figured the Law would go easy on them," recalled the retired library worker. "And I wasn’t scared of them, either– because I’ve got me a gun and I’ve been shooting’ all my life. And I wasn’t dumb enough to turn it in when the law changed about owning one."

So, using a police artist’s sketch of the suspects and Debbie’s description of the sickos’, tough-as-nails Ava spent seven days prowling the wino-infested neighborhood where the crime took place till she spotted the ill fated rapists entering their flophouse hotel.

"I knew it was them the minute I saw ‘em, but I shot a picture of ‘em anyway and took it back to Debbie and she said sure as hell, it was them", the oldster recalled. "So I went back to that hotel and found their room and knocked on the door and the minute the big one, , opened the door, I shot ‘em right square between the legs, right where it would really hurt ‘em most, you know.

Then I went in and shot the other one as he backed up pleading to me to spare him. Then I went down to the police station and turned myself in."

Now, baffled lawmen are trying to figure out exactly how to deal with the vigilante granny. What she did was wrong, and she broke the law, but it is difficult to throw an 81-year-old woman in prison, Det. Delp said, especially when 3 million people in the city want to nominate her for Mayor.

John Mullally from Seattle, WA

Posted via email from Urban Legends Online

A bride and a groom are at their wedding reception. Everything is going perfectly when the groom stands up to give a toast. He thanks all the guests for coming and for the stack of presents on the table. He thanks the father of the bride for the beautiful reception.

He then tells the guests that he has a surprise for all of them. He instructs them to look under their chairs. They do and find a picture taped to the bottom of each seat.

The guests are shocked and horrified! It’s a picture of the bride and the best man having sex! The groom says he had a feeling they were having an affair and hired an investigator who took the photo. He then says to the father of the bride, "Thanks for the $30,000 sit-down dinner and party, but I’m out of here." And he walked out.

He filed for an annulment the following Monday.

Posted via email from Urban Legends Online

A man saw an ad in the paper for an "almost new" Porsche, in excellent condition – price $50. He was certain the printers had made a typographical error, but even at $5,000 it would have been a bargain, so he hurried to the address to look at the car.

A nice-looking woman appeared at the front door. When questioned she replied that she had placed the ad in the paper and that the price was indeed $50.

"The car," she said, "is in the garage. Come and look at it."

The fellow was overwhelmed. It was a beautiful Porsche and, as the ad promised, "nearly new." He asked if he could drive the car around the block. The woman said, "Of course," and went with him. The Porsche drove like a dream. The young man peeled off $50 and handed it over, somewhat sheepishly. The woman gave him the necessary papers, and the car was his.

Finally, the new owner couldn’t stand it any longer. He had to know why the woman would sell the Porsche at such a ridiculously low price. Her reply was simple:

With a half-smile on her face, she said, "My husband ran off with his secretary a few days ago and left a note instructing me to sell the car and the house, and send him the money."

Another Version

British radio DJ Tim Shaw had been conducting a steamy interview with Jodie Marsh when he declared over airwaves he would leave his wife and two children for her.

Listening at home, Mr Shaw’s wife Hayley was infuriated by the proposition and decided to log onto eBay where she posted his Lotus Espirit Turbo under a ‘buy it now’ price of 50p.

“I need to get rid of this car immediately – ideally in the next 3-4 hours before my cheating arsehole husband gets home to find it gone and all his belongings in the street,” read the online posting.

Within minutes the offer was snapped up by a buyer, who later insisted to an inquiring local newspaper that he wished to remain anonymous.

This is a true story that occurred a few years ago in England.

Kirsty-Louise Lawrence from England

Posted via email from Urban Legends Online

A driver of a ready-mix concrete truck left for work one day in a bit of a hurry. Later in the morning he realized he had forgotten his lunch, so he decided to simply stop by his house during a delivery and pick it up.

As he approached the house, he noticed a strange, new Cadillac parked in the driveway. Curious, he entered quietly by the back door, tiptoed toward the bedroom where he heard his wife and a strange male voice.

Just as quietly, he left the house and walked to his truck. He simply backed the truck up to the car, and poking the chute through an open window, filled the car with wet cement. He called his office on the mobile radio, confessed, and offered to pay for the concrete. Amid uproarious laughter, he was told that load was on the company!

He drove away, leaving the car flat on the ground.

Later, the man found out that the Cadillac was to be a gift to him from his wife and the male voice he heard was the car dealer finalizing the deal.

Read more at http://urbanlegendsonline.com

Posted via email from Urban Legends Online